22 May 2007
May I Just Say?
It is so much easier to be a parent around other parents when those other parents are also parents of dead babies. People who haven't had any losses may care or be well-intentioned or sympathetic or none of those things, but they are different from me. Other parents who are missing a kid or two understand a different kind of parenting, one in which nothing is taken for granted. Of course I don't wish stillbirth or miscarriage or SIDS or birth defects on anyone, but boy am I glad I'm not alone. I am thankful there are parents around whom I can relax, drop the defensiveness about worthiness for parenthood, not have to qualify every reproduction-related statement. Whew. It was a good weekend. Thanks. You know who you are.
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2 comments:
Well, it wasn't me :), but I am glad you had such a weekend. And I agree! These are the best people to spend time with.
I wish I had "friends of ours" in my real life. I have found it really hard to completely connect with other moms for the reasons you alluded to. I always feel on the defense, and for good reason. The inevitable questions and/or comments about "only" or "first" children, so called "scary" birth stories which were a breeze compared to what we went through to get here, etc. Talk of further pregnancies with no thought given to any complications, etc. It can be hard to take. I feel like an outsider mom most of the time.
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