- I had gestational diabetes in my last pregnancy, guaranteeing I'd have it again in a subsequent pregnancy and thus increase my chances of developing a lifelong case of the real thing.
- I lost my fucking mind the last time around. I lived to regain my sanity because of (1) the loan of a Doppler device, (2) the love of a good man and (3) a 'scrip for Buspar, but chances are good neither my mental health nor my marriage would survive another nine months of hell.
- My living son is fabulous and deserves our undivided attention, not to mention every penny of our less than Trump-ian financial resources. Another living child would divert too much of those things from him.
- I'm not getting any younger. I've already produced one boy with inadequate kidneys and one bum nut as well as an embryo of indeterminate gender and an extra set of chromosomes, just for kicks. Chances are not good that the next conception would result in a problem-free, full-term pregnancy. Hey, the chance of conception even occurring gets slimmer every day.
- My husband does not want another child, at least not the old-fashioned way.
I didn't claim the reasons were rational.
So on paper the cons completely outweigh the pros, but I still think about another baby. I think about having a girl, about girly names and girly clothes and girly mother-daughter chats. Another boy would be fine, too - someone who would wear my son's hand-me-downs would be environmentally responsible, no?
I'm sporting a five-year IUD, and by the time it runs out my OB will have perfected his laproscopic tube-tying technique. I've gotten over my earlier fantasies of unknowingly expelling the IUD and already being pregnant again with a perfectly-healthy fetus despite my erratic vitamin intake and periodic tequila binges. I am the mother of one stillborn son and one living son, and that is who I will always be. It hurts.
3 comments:
I don't want to give you crappy advice or tell you how to feel. That's obviously not what you want. *But*...there's nothing wrong with wanting another child. Especially when you can see what beautiful children you've produced...
Just don't rule it out. Go with your gut. That's all I'm sayin'.
And further to what Kathy said, rationality has nothing to do with 'The Itch'. It's the female version of what drives teenage boys to shower five times a day. Continuation of the species and all that.
I guess some of us (not necessarily myself lol) retain our memory after pregnancy and birth and that complicates the decision. Everyone except the Duggars go through it I think:)
Here we go.... Since you started it, I'll admit that I, too, allowed the thought to enter my mind just today, as my gorgeous and healthy living daughter turned 8 months old. Pregnancy scares the living shit out of me, and I've sworn many times that this is it for us.
However, this is also not the first time I've heard mothers with babies under one year old thinking about another one. I think that once you get past that horrible (at least for me) first 6 weeks, get the hang of everything, learn to love and enjoy your baby, and become a pro at this mommyhood thing (esp. after the crap we've gone through to get here), it feels like your baby isn't even a baby anymore, and you want to experience the babyness all over again.
Maybe the feeling goes away for a lot of people once their child(ren) are solidly experiencing toddlerhood, and there are more things to learn, and babyhood starts to feel further away, but I suspect that for women who have lost a child, there will always be a longing for "another baby," even though intellectually we know that we can never replace what we've lost.
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