Here i am, minding my own business (sort of), just catching up on blogs to avoid finishing a lab report due tomorrow morning, and what should I find on a friend's blog but a comment from an unfamiliar poster, chock full of angel business (and a request to publicize her website).
Angel business, monkey business. Let me just re-state (since I don't believe I've done so on this site) my feeling on higher powers: If God is all-knowing and all-powerful, then he/she/it had the foresight and ability to save my first son's life. What kind of crappy god would stand by and let my son die unnecessarily? If that was God's position on me, I have no use for him/her/it. Frankly, I'd rather believe there is no one up there/out there/under there than believe that I am subject to the whims/moods/outright hatefulness of a god who chose my son's stillbirth. Now that I've got that rant out there, the reader of this post can only imagine what I think of the whole angel terminology.
I do understand, of course, that some people find the thought of their lost child as an angel immensely comforting, and I would not want to take that comfort away from a parent-in-loss. I have great respect for anyone who has a thoughtful faith; yea, verily, I envy those people their faith. I also do not want those same people photoshopping wings on my son's picture or sending me cards with cherubs resting on clouds adorning the covers. Personally, privately, I find the whole angel thing downright icky. And I'm 99.99% sure thinking of one's lost child as an angel doesn't jive with any established Christian theology (although if I'm wrong on that point I'd be interested to hear about it).
So back to this person who posted the comment/solicitation on another loss-related blog: I went to her site (I won't post it here - I don't care to bring traffic to the site) and found much about which to feel nauseated: trite poems, appeals to anti-abortion rights believers, references to Jesus having a rocking chair. I also found some positive things: a drive to help parents (even those with no pictures) deal with their loss through scrapbooking [not for me, but it sounds like a good idea if you're into that sort of thing], and the site creator's blog, in which (despite her very different views on the result of her miscarriage) she expresses some of the exact same things I've experienced. It's not that I wish her pain, but I'm essentially relieved that she doesn't have some leg up on me, grief-wise, just because of her faith.
My personal aversion to the angelizing of dead babies aside, what really chaps my hide about the whole thing is that the site pretends to be a support for parents but what it actually is: an attempt to sell pre-assembled but vaguely customizable scrapbook pages to grieving parents for $15.00 each. I suppose if you really loved your little zygote, you'd shell out $7 more for the instructions. Would it be small of me to note that the materials appear cheap and ugly and unimaginative?
Perhaps my personal bias against the religious angle is clouding my judgement. Maybe $15 or $22 or whatever is exactly what the supplies and shipping cost this person, or maybe she sells these packages at a loss because of her devotion to fellow parents. Maybe these sums are miniscule next to the benefits derived by parents from these products. Maybe I'm just jaded and a crank. Maybe I'm jealous that she's been on TV and I have not (although I was on the news last 4th of July, because I was sitting next to the local station's cameraman at the fireworks show, so I at least have that star in my crown). Maybe it's no worse than the whole turn-your-baby-into-a-diamond scam.
All I know is that the pitch seems crass to me, unworthy of parents with genuine grief who deserve better than to be taken advantage of by someone wanting to send them a few pennies worth of blue-toned, faux-parchment paper.
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10 comments:
I have a tendency to agree with everything you wrote.
I ended up at the site you describe a couple of days ago and yes, 'icky' works for me. I can see how the whole angel thing works for people but it seems so cliched as to be almost meaningless now.
Oh thank you! I thought I was the only one who thought it was rather tasteless and "icky." I volunteer with an organization whose whole purpose is to give memorial items away for FREE. I have a vomitous taste in my mouth even thinking about trying to SELL to grieving parents. I mean, really...who does that?!?!
I think people want to think of their dead children as angels because they simply can't stand the thought that they will never see them...that they were completely cheated out of that opportunity. I think it helps them to jive that not-so-nice image they have of God with reality...yes, He was mean to us, but we will be rewarded in the end. It's a move of desperation. I've got my own thoughts brewing on God these days...and I find there is more comfort when I let go of that sort of desperation. But I guess we've all got to figure it out for ourselves. So I really can't fault someone for clinging to whatever hope they can find. I just wish they wouldn't be so hell-bent on 'sharing' with me. :o)
You know, I totally agree. I made my grandmother leave after Audrey was born and she started in with that crap. We are no longer on speaking terms, but to say the relationship was starined before is an understaement. Nonetheless, the angel business is irritating.
I've got a bridge in Brooklyn. What do you say, for a $mall fee, we can memorialize your little ones with naming rights.
I haven't seen the site, but I agree with just about everything you wrote here. Then again...I'm a heathen.
I found the whole thing somewhat odd, but maybe she isn't much used to the blogsphere. I haven't actually spent any time looking at her stuff yet. I think the site should be listed in a list of other sites that sell memorial items -- that is probably the right place for it. So i will do that soon, promise y'all....
I don't do the angel thing myself, but i have about $200 worth of scrapbooking stuff (and not a page even started). I did find when buying stuff that it was nice to come across something specifically for child loss, so the site may be helpful to some people.
For some reason, I felt weird about my comment and deleted it.
I can't explain it - it was a compulsion.
Fellow heathen here. I am unaware of the site you are talking about, but it does sound gross, but I find the LifeGem idea even more appalling. Sigh... Ultimately, I guess we all would like to think that our lost babies didn't just plain die and turn into dust.
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